I must admit that while reviewing my wife’s DVD collection my mind wandered a bit during each film, but mostly I was able to pay attention enough to (proudly!) bring you the following list.
In the alley behind the bar where Julia Roberts is trying to locate her friend, Richard Gere is set upon by a handful of thugs. Roberts appears just in time and pulls a 9mm from her purse. She dispatches all of the miscreants, each with a double-tap shot to the head. “Wow,” says Gere. “Where’d you learn to shoot like that?” “The Mossad,” Roberts answers, deadpan. And we don’t know if she’s serious or not.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
When Mr. Darcy learns that the lousy guy has absconded with Elizabeth’s sister, he takes a carriage all night to London to find them. With the help of his best friend, he spirits the sister out of the house. Then he secures the doors on the house and sets it on fire. The louse dies a horrible, agonizing death.
SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
Tom Hanks gets to the top of the Empire State Building but his son is not there. Meg Ryan arrives, and realizing this is all her fault, swears to make it right. The elevator man says he saw the boy being loaded into a van on the ground floor. Ryan takes a fire hose and rappels down the side of the buliding and runs to her ex-fiance’s car, where she pulls out an AK-47. She empties it into the front of the van as it comes around the corner. The van hits a fire hydrant and water gushes everywhere. She pulls the boy from the back of the van as Hanks appears on the scene. Everyone is wet but happy.
Everyone piles into the car to help Hugh Grant find Julia Roberts, but their erratic driving gets the attention of the police, who give chase. One by one, Grant’s friends sacrifice themselves for true love by leaping out of the car into traffic to create a diversion. By the time Grant gets there, he has lost all of his friends, but he has Roberts. NOTE: I would have liked this movie a lot more if the police sniper hadn’t shot Grant dead at the very end.
Ryan O’Neil arrives at the hospital to see Ali McGraw plugged into every tube in the world. “Hey, hockey jock,” she says, “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” “But I’m not sorry,” O’Neil says. “I’ve just found out that you’re not sick.” He explains that there’s a big, dark, sinister conspiracy and the upshot is that the hospital is slowly poisoning her to death. He unplugs all the tubes and carries her out of the hospital. At his car, he pulls out a radio and calls in an air strike on the hospital. Several B-52 bombers show up, and O’Neil and McGraw kiss while the hospital is blown to smithereens (I always cry at that part).
AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN
After killing his drill sergeant in the martial arts fight, Richard Gere is pursued by police to the factory where Deborah Winger works. “I always said I’d die for you, and I’m about to,” Gere says. “Well then I’ll die for you, ya big lug,” Winger says. They both load up handguns and take one in each hand, then run out shooting at the surrounding militia. The camera freezes on them running out and you hear lots of gunshots. I always cry at this, too, but not as much as the exploding hospital in Love Story,
The Office Seductress flies into a rage over not being able to seduce Alan Rickman and sneaks into his house and takes him hostage along with his children. Emma Thompson arrives at the police blockade of the house and decides to take matters into her own hands. She crawls in through the loose cellar window that Rickman never did fix, and confronts the Seductress in the kitchen. They both grab cutlery, and after an extended knife fight, Thompson sinks her knife into the kidnapper’s chest up to the hilt and quips, “My order is to go – and you’re the carry out!”
I just want to say that it was fun to do this and I’m now thinking of doing another list. Maybe my favorite kissing scenes from Martial Arts movies. Time for some research!