If the person you're looking for doesn't meet these criteria, then this isn't the him you're looking for.
Gig #1: The Ladies' Retreat. Okay, this is not something I normally would have gone to. It was a Ladies' Retreat held by and for Church of Christ members in the area/region. One of the highlights of this year's retreat was a Talent Show. And my wife and one of her sisters were
Always willing to help, I offered to find them the lyrics online. And then, in an uncharacteristic bit of generosity1, I said, "If you want, maybe I could find guitar chords, and if I could figure out how to play it, I could accompany you."
Well, my wife and her youngest sister said yes, and it just so happened that I found both lyrics and chords online. There were tons of chords in the song, but I figured out that if I just went with the first chord in each measure, the thing would work. And for the most part, it did.
So after a couple of practices, I showed up at the Ladies' Retreat in time for the talent show, went in, did my thing as a hired gun, and then left. Only messed up once, but the cuteness factor of the two sisters singing was high, and nobody, not even the two vocalists, noticed. Good thing I wasn't working for Buddy Rich.
Gig #2: Random Acts of Music. Back when I became a producer or director or whatever the heck my title is for Random Acts of Music, the first thing I did was to start shooting our guests performing original Christmas songs for a Christmas show that would air, well, around this time of year.
In the ensuing months, we've accumulated quite a few, but not quite enough for a full show. So partner Henry J did one of his, and I was
Fortunately, I knew this was coming, so I practiced the song up. For the longest time I couldn't seem to get it right - I wanted to play it too fast, I think - so I got the idea of playing it with a metronome set at a deliberately slow pace. That did the trick.
So Friday night I put on a Christmas sweater and taped the song. The good news is I had all the chords and the words right, and the singing lessons my wife has been giving me paid off, because my voice was right there. I was okay in front of the mike because I'd practiced in front of my own mike at home. I was okay watching the camera because I kept in mind I'd have to look into it and follow it, too.
Unfortunately, I still got my usual stagefright. It about paralyzed my strumming hand. Made all the muscles Jell-o. So, after a couple of false starts, I managed to improvise enough to get through the song. As a result of this, I think I also had a deer-in-the-headlights look except when I had pre-planned facial expressions during the song.
Now the folks there for the taping thought it sounded fine. I think that's the usual case of me knowing where all the strumming mistakes were and them not. Either that, or they were just being kind. But I told them not to use it if it was bad.
Whatever. If you're in Northeast Ohio and have Time Warner Cable, the show will probably appear in it's usual slot sometime next week and run through Christmas. If you're not in Northeast Ohio, the song will be posted on YouTube and MySpace around the time the Christmas show airs. Just do a search for "Random Acts of Music" and you'll eventually find it.
Just make sure to wait an hour after you've eaten before viewing.
Gig #3: The Actual Santa Claus. Okay, this wasn't a play as in playing music gig. It was playing as in pretending. Sunday my wife and I did our annual turn as Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus for a local landmark. I think this is the sixth or seventh year we have done this.
Attendance was down as it was cold and rainy - more adults, not as many kids. The big requests this year were for The Littlest Pet Shop toys and the Nintendo DS system. Among adults, the big requests this year were for the Wii (Santa: "Are you kidding? I can't even get one this year!") and world peace (Santa: "Sorry, that's not my department. You have to talk to my boss about that one.").
Sometime during the day I got an offer to do an extra Santa appearance next year - but I'm not really sure I want to do it. Yeah, there'll be money involved (my wife and I do the regular gig as volunteers because we were
But money isn't really everything (although I suppose it could depend on how much is involved). I like the idea of only doing it for four hours a year. I like the idea of exclusivity, that the Real Santa (or so many kids say) is at this one exclusive location and all the others are just helpers. With that in mind, the idea of doing it for money just seems wrong.
Plus, if I started doing that, where would it all stop? How many other paying gigs would come up? When would I have to start saying "No?" And most importantly, how many hours a year would get racked up before it became just another job instead of a lovely little one-off that helped get me in the holiday spirit? When would I stop showing up as Santa and start showing up as Ebineezer Scrooge?
Well, I've eleven months or so to think about it. In the meantime, it's been a busy holiday season already. I wonder what other adventures like ahead that I will be
---
- It's strange, but I've been exhibiting other moments of uncharacteristic generosity lately. Some church friends asked if their teenaged son could borrow my acoustic guitar for a month or so - he was interested in taking lessons, and they wanted to see if he would stick with it before plunking down a couple of hundred for a decent started guitar. And I said yes without blinking. What is happening to me? Am I becoming human at long last? No, I think that's not phrased right. Am I transcending my own humanity at last?
